Stuff about movies, technology, programming, and life.
Avril Lavigne/Katy Perry
American Idol had one of the worst combinations of guest judges imaginable on tonight’s show. Stupid Avril Lavigne shows up first. Why didn’t she just have a g.d. sleepover with her skater boys? Ruben Studdard had more airplay then this little devil-horn hoodie moron. Who the hell is she to tell anybody anything? She was literally born yesterday. Reminded me of Paula only more idiotic and juvenile (if such a thing is even possible).
Can’t get worse, right? WRONGO! Katy Perry shows up for day two, and she’s on a mission. She opens by telling everyone that she tells it like it is. Okay, you’re right, you are such a huge artist with so many albums that you can just wander around inserting your opinions everywhere. She then points out that she believes the fact that the judges are flying in on a helicopter is “ridiculous”. I can think of plenty of things more ridiculous, not starting with the fact that you are engaged to unfunny comedian Russell Brand (although you do deserve him).
Katy: you are RUDE to BE RUDE, and in a way that Simon isn’t. Case in point: a guy tells a story about how he was in a bunch of foster homes. Sure, it’s one of those overly heartwarming Idol moments complete with sappy music (although Kings of Convenience are good). It’s brought up after he sings, and then Perry: “OKAY, THIS ISN’T A LIFETIME MOVIE.” Simon would have never been so overly rude. SHUT YOUR MOUTH KATY, AND GO WRITE A STUPID SONG FOR KISSFM.
At least personal hell on earth themed day on AI is over. And HT was good, so I have that.
Looks like somebody is taking lessons from Avril Lavigne. (image: London Evening Standard)
Is Johannesburg a Synonym For Overrated?
District 9 is a 30 million dollar science fiction/mock-doc that looks like it cost way more. Unfortunately, it still picks up some of the nasty habits that plague any would-be blockbuster. It starts out pretty smart: the idea of using aliens as a stand-in for any oppressed group of people on our planet is interesting, if not entirely fresh feeling. The mockumentary style also works.
So what’s the problem? The second half of the film entirely forgets the first half. Did we really need all the gun fights and explosions? Wasn’t there a better and more intriguing film just ready to burst out?
I admit that I felt bad for the aliens almost immediately, which is a testament to the visual design of the creatures (I assumed that Weta did all the visual effects - but they couldn’t with a certain $300+ million project to handle - the Candian Image Engine does a stunning job here). But by the end of the film, I actually found myself becoming detached from the same aliens I cared so much about initially.
Some people say this is the greatest sci-fi film in some number of years. Really? Star Trek came out this year. You lose.
Hi, I look 30! Can I, like, BE in Sorority Row?
This movie included, “No, You Girls” by Franz Ferdinand. You dumb, dumb, dumb girls should have listened. They were saying “NO, YOU GIRLS PLEASE DON’T MAKE THIS MOVIE!” You know, in their Scottish accents and stuff. Oh bullocks to the whole lot ah’yah.
There is one scene in the film where a character actually acts like a normal, dignified human being. The response to this: “did you guys notice she was acting really weird?” Yes, she’s from the planet of near-actors. Very confusing, I know.
I’m so sick of hearing about how people are going to “Facebook friend” each other. That’s going to sound as stupid in thirty years as someone talking about “party lining” thirty years ago.
Be warned: this film has a twist AND a CLIFFHANGER. Not that either of them aren’t completely obvious. The cliffhanger actually adds some more humor to the film: who in god’s green earth would actually REMAKE this mess?
Carrie Fisher still has it. And by “has it”, I mean still has human body parts. Couldn’t you have just gone to a few Star Wars conventions and made the same bank as being in this trash-fest? I used to mildly respect your costars! HOW DARE YOU!
“Wait, you killed my sister? OH NO, I’m not upset! Just make sure and film me near-naked. Everything is FINE!”
Rumer Willis: what else can I say about your jaw that hasn’t already been said? My god, your mother is Demi Moore for christ’s sake! Do you curse your father every time you look into a mirror?
This movie could have really used some real talent, like Lindsey Lohan.
(image: flickr)
B is for Brothels; S is for Scientology
Risky Business is the gritty, true-life story of a brothel and all the inhumanities that occur there. Women are objectified. Men are pigs. A prostitutes life is NOT glamorous (I mean, jesus christ, Joe Pantoliano chases you in circles for literally HOURS - “I have a gun, but I’m NOT going to use it.”).
Rebecca De Mornay can and will never be a hot prostitute in my eyes. She will always be the hand that rocks the cradle. Curtis Armstrong appears in his first role playing a literal troll. A career in troll-dum awaits…
And Tom Cruise: don’t you know that turning up all the bands on your daddy’s equalizer doesn’t just make the music “louder” and “cooler”. It distorts! Your father just wants you to have a true audiophile experience!
This movie makes Ray-Bans and smoking cool again! Wait, what, this movie is 25 years old? Whoops, never mind.
I hummed the theme song from Perfect Strangers through half the film. I wonder if any episodes are available on DVD? Perhaps it’s part of the Miller/Boyett Sappy Music Cue DVD collection.
Train fetish FTW!
Tom Cruise as Jack Nicholson. (image: Access Hollywood)